God wants proof that you are totally surrendering yourself. Tests will come. If you fail the tests then your surrender is not complete. If your surrender is complete, no matter what test comes you will pass it. Once you pass the tests, you don’t have to worry about anything that happens in your life, because you are not responsible for your actions. Whatever comes, comes from God. Whatever goes is taken away by God.
It’s not that easy in the beginning because your ego will not allow you to surrender this way. Until you become the master of the ego and give yourself into the hands of God, the ego will even create doubts in you.
You might ask, “Then what is free will?” Free will means you are free to take responsibility into your own hands or to give it into the hands of God. If you take the responsibility yourself, after going through all these problems, difficulties and turmoil, you will finally say, “I am tired, God. I’m not going to try to handle this anymore. I know I cannot. So the best thing is for me to put the reins in Your hands. Let me take the back seat. You drive.”
There comes a time like that. That’s when your ego has been completely cleaned. Then, even though it might appear to others that you are doing something, you will know that you are not doing it. You are being made to do it.
It is very difficult to have that kind of total surrender to God because the ego enjoys its supremacy. It won’t give up that easily; there will be a big fight. You have to prove your capacity.